Saturday, April 30, 2011

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The air has that sticky feeling to it; the kind that has too much water vapor in it for my liking. The scorching hot sun outside is only making the inside of the house feel like it’s on preheat wanting to bake all that is inside. The room is quiet. The unremitting hum of the air conditioner is missing. I never thought I would miss the annoying crackles of the unit but I now realize that joined with the cool refreshing air the noise was bearable. I sit on the black leather couch facing the patio door. Either my skin is suffocating the leather or the leather is suffocating my skin, but it is causing sweat to form on my legs and back. Faintly I hear three children playing outside. Although, blind to sight I can hear there laughs getting closer and fading away accompanied with the sound of trampling feet hitting the pavement.
I decide to go outside and play with the children in order to distract my mind from the heat. As soon as I step outside a cool breeze brushes against my face and seems to breathe a little life back into my body. I look up at the sky and to my surprise the sky is peachy color with ribbons of pink infused in it. The sun is setting and the thought of a cool summer night brings a smile to my face. Almost instantaneously the kids run and surround me asking me to play along.
“Who wants to go to the park?” I ask.
In perfect unison the children scream, “I do!”
The three children walk in front of me. There are two girls and a boy. The youngest is seven years old she’s wearing her favorite orange sundress with her hair in small braids to the back. Different shades of orange barrettes dangle at the ends of her braids as she walks with the bounce of careless child. The boy next to her is her brother and he’s eleven. He wears a plain navy blue t-shirt with matching plaid shorts. He bounces a burnt orange Spalding basketball as he walks. Lastly a ten year old girl stands next him. She wears her favorite color purple; a purple blouse with purple sandals. The butterflies on the sandals could come to life at anytime and fly away but they stay to keep the young girl happy.
Finally we reach the park. There are some older bigger boys playing two on two basketball on the newly built basketball court. They spot us quickly like a lion spots his prey and locks his eyes on his dinner. They hurriedly walk up to us all of them have an intimidating look in their eye. None of us back down.
“Give us that ball” one of them says.
“It’s mine not yours” the young boy says back with the same intensity in his voice.
The biggest strongest boy of the group grabs the ball from the young boy and takes off at full speed. All of us run after him and behind us trail his friends. The young boy falls in a man made ditch and gets up slowly to see the he has a big gash on his leg that has started to ooze red blood. The young girls stay behind with him. I continue to chase the basketball thief. I finally catch up to him and manage to grab the ball. During this time I never stop running. I run pass the children and tell them to follow. It takes them three seconds to process it but ultimately they follow. Once we reach home we all laugh about our high speed chase. That moment with them definitely beat the heat.

3 comments:

  1. The beginning is good. You are very descriptive and create good imagery. But towards the end like the chase scene in the last paragraph you are not as desrciptive.I think you could add a bit more to that part of the story. Overall it was a good story.

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  2. I liked the story especially the beginning with all the descriptions. I could see exactly what you were portraying. However towards the end, I did not have as much description like in the beginning. If there was more balance between the two then it would be much better. Still a great story!

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  3. Your story is very entertaining (: However, there's a lot of things you can improve based on the document Mr. Mccarthy provided for us. A few that I found were: "The scorching hot sun outside is only making the inside of the house feel like it’s on preheat wanting to bake all that is inside" instead,try "Outside, the hot sun's scorching makes the inside of the house feel like it's on preheat, baking all that's inside". (Not exactly the best example but I hope you understand my point). This sentence was worded awkwardly. "Either my skin is suffocating the leather or the leather is suffocating my skin, but it is causing sweat to form on my legs and back". You should consider "Either my skin suffocates the leather of the leather suffocates my skin, because sweat forms on my legs". You should really check out the document Mr. Mccarthy provided for us. It's really useful!

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